SAD

It's really rather creepy outside my classroom. It's about two minutes before school starts and the clouds and the sun are having a fight. The clouds are winning. The trees look rather ominous with their straggly patches where they've shed portions of their leaves like they've got bad poodle haircuts. Rabid green poodles. Yeah.

Probably isn't helping that I'm still in a very bad sad mood. I just started crying this morning as they showed the news story of the Hendricks family plane crash. I keep telling myself that I've got to get over it... this funky mood, but if my students do anything to piss me off today, they're gonna know it.

I came home from doing my laundry yesterday, and I didn't think I was going to make a big deal of it, but the moment I came through the door, Liz knew something was wrong. She came over to give me a hug and I started bawling and trying to get the story out, but it was just blubbery and hiccuppy and bits and pieces of phrases.

It's stupid really, how much I can be hurt by my sister, but no matter how old I get, when she makes her digs I want to scream and scratch and hit and bite, and only the adult in me backs away and leaves her triumphant.

Because I know, whatever I say, I will be wrong. Because she has a guest and I don't live there. Because she wasn't as good in school. Because I'm older Because I know better.

I know better.