West End Salsa

June 29

La! We survived our First Official London West End Hen Night. We went to Bar Salsa and there were at least seven other brides there though I felt lucky that Tara didn't arrange bunny ears, pink Stetsons, bobble headbands or pink afro wigs for us to wear like many of the other parties. Clare got a tasteful sash and a blinking plastic tiara.

We started off the night when Amanda, Reuben's sister, arrived at the flat and poured us some Cosmos that needed some serious dilution not to taste like pure grain alcohol. This was followed by champagne… which was a bit dry so Clare went round and added Peach Schnapps to everyone's glass.

We were soon joined by Clare's cousin, Jane, and Clare's best mate Tara, and then off we went, driven by Rueben and Tara's husband, Pete. There were a lot of cracks about Pete's reliance on his Satnav, which I what they call their GPS units over here.

Anyway, I started to feel a bit woozy and was not helped any by the swirling and turning of our dance lesson. I was paired with Amanda and thankfully neither one of us stepped on the other's feet.

So after our lesson (And back and forward, and back and forward, to the bar, to the stage, turn, turn, turn!), we sat at a table and ate dinner. An appetizer plate was followed by the blandest fajitas I've ever had. Definitely British.

After dinner we finally got up the courage to go out onto the dance floor. Holy Cow. Any other time I've gone dancing with friends, the girls form a circle and just jam. Every single one of us had a partner within 30 seconds. This Asian guy grabbed me… Jon, Bon, Juan, something along those lines and began dancing me about, twisting, and twirling me so much that people began to leave us extra space on the dance floor. It was fun for the first dance. The second, I was trying to figure out how to get out of it. I finally got rid of him and was snagged by another guy who I couldn't decide if he was trying to feel me up or pickpocket me.

The men were like vultures, picking up the women and hovering about above the floor scouting their targets. Even after a few of the tables were cleared and our group of ten danced in our own circle away from the main dance floor, the men still came aggressively after us… especially after Tara, Jane, and Clare.

Clare, meanwhile, was appropriately being fed more alcohol and by the time her sisters and her brother's girlfriend turned up, was totally wasted. Mel and I tried to tell them she needed no more alcohol, but Clare has an uncanny ability to drink anything she's given through a straw – handy for water… not so good for margaritas.

Near the end of the night, I accompanied Tara to the loo as there was less of a chance of being nabbed in pairs. I grabbed the first stall and when I came out, noticed why there were two bouncers in the bathroom. A woman had cut her foot on some glass and there were pools of blood on the floor. She didn't look too distressed, but I would have recommended Casualty for anyone bleeding that much.

Clare got a bit weepy in the end, but that's to be expected. We got picked up by Reuben and Pete and finally got home near 3. At one time there was talk about Krispy Cremes or a fry up and all I could think of was Jamie Oliver and his recipes for fry ups.

More about today… tomorrow. 10:40pm in York and Mel and I decided not to stay up 'til 3am drinking tonight. We must be getting old.